Dollywood announced today that the new ride for the 2008 season will enable guests to shoot each other and passersby with “powerful soaker guns.” The ride–River Battle by name–consists of nine rafts holding eight persons, each of whom has a water gun that can be used to hit more than 100 targets along a 500-foot channel. Some of the targets are large-scale talking animals such as beavers, skunks, otters, and bears, and some of the targets shoot back.
But wait, it gets better. According to the Dollywood news release, “while rafters are soaking each other in raft-to-raft sparring, they also can ‘shoot’ observers along the way in ‘raft-to-shore’ fun.”
Just the thing to bring out your inner 14-year-old boy. Why stop there? Why not locate this ride along the Parkway and give motorists in clogged traffic a little “raft-to-road” fun?
This ride sounds fun in and of itself, but then Family Values has to raise its ugly head. I quote again from the release: “In the park’s ongoing effort to provide opportunities to bring families closer, River Battle is yet another ride addition that allows parents and children to ride together.”
When I think of the times when my sons lived under this roof, the most fun they could have had on River Battle is not with me. They would have much preferred having me sitting on the bank, ideally reading a newspaper, so they could indulged in a little “raft-to-dad” fun.
You can’t make this stuff up. I have no doubt that River Battle will be a hit.
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